Oh the places we will go.

Ok, so we've been doing a lot lately. Let's see. We'll go in order. Since the last time i blogged which was about the craziness that ensued at our visit to his Uncle's we went to a friend's baby shower. I was nervous that he would cry the entire time we were there but NOPE. Not once. We trekked into the city on a stormy, rainy Sunday and when we arrived i warned anyone who came close to him not to make a big deal about him. Because, as we're finding out, he's more comfortable making the first move (i truly hope that changes as he gets into his teen years ;). Caleb Carter let everyone hold him. At one point a friend took him away and was showing him around. I couldn't believe it. My mother couldn't believe it. Then i started to look for a reason as to why he didn't behave that way at his Uncle's. Kids, i tell ya. So i deemed that day a successful one. This past Saturday we had a picnic in Central Park. It was the first beautiful weekend and i was not going to let it pass us by. I gathered a couple of friends and Caleb's cousins and we headed to CP for a low-key picnic. Just sandwiches, drinks, and lots of love for Caleb. He was great. He did have his moments cuz CP was packed so i'm sure it was a bit stimulating. I tend to forget that he's a baby and all of this can be a lot. That was successful too especially since he got to spend time with people who so clearly want to stay in his life as he grows up. I love that. The following day we headed to Auntie Violette's for a family Sunday. It was extra special because my mother was going to be there for the first time. Both grandmothers would be in the same room enjoying their grandson. Overall, i think it went well. There was no non-stop crying. He hung out with cousin Marc, had some special time with Grandma Marie. Let Uncle Mez and Auntie Vi kiss him, played ball with cousin Brian and had a beautiful bonding moment with Auntie Val. That was super sweet. After his bottle he and I laid on the rug and Valerie came over and he was talking to her and smiling and even showed he could roll over. They were unable to see that the last time since he was a total mess. Again, he becomes very overwhelmed by people and the love that is so abundantly thrown at him. So sometimes he cried but it was definitely so much more manageable than last time. We just have to pay them a visit more often and then he'll be fine. So those were some outings we had. In terms of developmental accomplishments, he's amazing. Sitting up almost completely unassisted. Learning how to hold his bottle and basically just being a big boy. Eats all his solids. Loves cereal mixed with a bit of fruit (thanks Auntie Val), and loves himself some crazy Yo Gabba Gabba. He's even responding to his favorite episode - Dance - by smiling at some of the sections. It's a adorable. Also, he's now rolling over on both sides. Sleeps basically on his belly since he rolls over at night. Sometimes i'm woken up in the middle of the night simply to turn him on his back because he's too tired to get himself back :). He's still not sleeping through the night but is making progress. He has stopped bouncing like a mad man and is now practicing how to stand up straight. Legs very stiff. He's putting everything and anything in his mouth, including our faces. It's the best to pick him up and he immediately grabs my face and tries to eat it. Soo funny. He's doing great. We're amazing by every move he makes. Ernest was sitting on the floor with him and all he wanted to do was play with his chair. Not sit in it but play with it. So Ernest leaned him against it and he was on his knees trying to climb on it. Picture proof above. As you can see, he's actually standing up, trying to climb on it. Oy. He's also starting to figure out the crawling. He'll be on his belly and move his legs up and down. Picks up his little butt and tries to get his knees under him. It's going to happen really soon. And now for the post of all posts; FIRST DAY OF DAYCARE. What a traumatizing experience - for me. I hoped Ernest would go with me but of course he had to work early and couldn't. I had to prep to do it on my own. I remained calm as i left him in a bouncy chair while i talked to his teacher. My eyes were welling up but i was ok. Then. He. Starts. Crying. His cry. The one that according to him, only I can take away. So i continue to talk to his teacher and now tears are coming. I couldn't stop them and i start crying. His teacher, who is 6 months pregnant has to walk away because i was making her cry and then one of the aides was trying to console me by telling me that it's normal and that he would be ok. He would be well-taken care of. I know he will. It didn't make it any easier. So i calm down and finish talking to his teacher. I noticed he had stopped crying too. Then just as i was leaving, he starts. He was being held by one of the aides and as i peeked around the corner to see him another aide intercepted me and told me to go. That it wouldn't be good for him to see me since i wasn't going to stay with him. so i left. And i cried outside and when i called Ernest and when i called my cousin to tell her how it went. What an awful morning. Well day, really. Then when Ernest calls me after he'd picked him up, he tells me that he found him in a bouncy chair, in a circle with the other infants, watching Barney. Clearly, i had a worst day than he did. So that's how it's been this week. I drop him off. Feel awful cuz it's still hard to leave him. Then at 5 i get a call saying he was so happy. How conflicting. Ernest and I want him to be good without us. However, for me, at least, it's a little painful to hear that he is ok without us. I know he's little and it's the best time for Daycare because he'll adapt quickly but he's my little boy. He's a momma's boy. Sshhh don't tell Ernest. Now that 3 days have past i've done really well. I drop him off, talk to his teacher, then walk over to him and give him a hug, a kiss, and tell him that i love him. He still cries but it was really great to hear today when i went to put him in the swing that he prefers the walker. It made me realize that he is ok. He's being paid attention to and the aides notice what he likes and what makes him comfortable while he's there. So we carry on. I knew this would be hard but never realized the emotional toll it can take. My heart was aching when i left him that first day. Never had i felt anything like that. I'm sure it's not the last time i'll feel it either. I know this was a long one but he keeps us busy and tired and it's impossible to do this everyday. Enjoy.

Oh what a weekend!

Here's the latest:

Saturday we took Caleb to his Uncle's house to see the family. Everyone except one cousin and his grandmother were there. We arrived and Uncle Mes greeted us at the door. Caleb looked at him for a bit then smiled. Here i was thinking it would be a good visit since the last one he spent most of it crying. How wrong i was. As we walked into the house everyone was so happy to see him and guess what? the crying began. It was non-stop. I wanted everyone to enjoy him but Caleb had other plans. I think for me, the greatest thing is to see how many people love him and want to be around him but, and i hope i'm wrong about this, he's just not that kid. So he kept crying. He did have glimpses of normal Caleb - smiling, playing, babbling, sucking on everything, then it would begin again. During dinner Ernest and I just let him cry. He had his cousins with him and was perfectly safe so Ernest and I sat and had dinner. It's really hard for me to let him cry. I did it because it really was too much at that point. It's not like he would calm down if he saw me, no, he wanted me, and only me, to hold him. Usually i'm all for that but not in a situation where it's a family reunion and he's screaming at the top of his lungs. At one point during dinner it was silent. No crying? No way! Isn't it weird that instead of being relieved, i felt worried? Anyhow, i walked to the living room to witness his cousin Marc sitting on the floor with Caleb's legs straddled around his waist and asleep on his chest. I couldn't believe that Marc had done it. It really was a beautiful thing to see. The eldest Pelerin with the baby Pelerin. There are pictures which i will post soon. The quiet only lasted about 10 minutes cuz then it all started again. Well, you can guess the rest of that. Once it was time to leave we put him in his PJs and into the car seat he went. We arrived at home and we put him in his crib till his middle of the night business. Sunday was a different day. It was a beautiful day and mom and I took him to church -by the way, he's really good in church, quiet and actually falls asleep. After we went to have brunch and on the way back we stopped at our little park near our apt. and played for a bit. It was his first time in a park and he had a great time. We were sliding down the slide, and once his dad met us, he was sitting on the little airplane, and playing with the left over snow, and climbing on things - you know? Guy stuff, i guess. We had a blast. Now, it's "let's get cheesy" time. Watching Ernest on the slide with Caleb made me think about how hard my mother had it. She gave us so much with such little help. She had us so close together and was able to raise us well. At that moment i was so grateful for Ernest because i could see what they share and not only is he lucky to have Ernest as his dad but i'm so lucky to have him as my partner. We're a team. Mushy time over. Back to Caleb. So then we went home because his cousin Dana was coming over to spend the night and spend some time with Caleb, but guess what? Yep. He cried! Well, in his defense it was his nap time and i was trying to keep him up so Dana could see him but oh well. So he cried then he went to sleep. I hope Dana wasn't scared off. She even slept in his room and wasn't bothered by him waking up the 3 times in the middle of the night. I've decided that i will take him out more to places where there's lots of people. I've always been doing it but now i really have to do it. I don't like that he cries with people, family or not. So our adventure towards getting acquainted to people and the world continues. Wish us luck. Pictures to come.

Bring on the solids!

Well it's been a couple of days since Caleb started carrots. He seems to be doing ok. In fact Wednesday was the first day and i don't think he even made a face. I guess his non-pickiness about eating comes from his dad and I. We're not picky eaters...well, Ernest is - a tiny bit. Ernest had the honor of feeding him the carrots. We put him in his bouncy chair, where of course he tried to escape from and cried for a bit cuz we strapped him in, and then Ernest fed him. It truly was a moment of realization about how far we've come with him. Going through that C-section together is bonding enough and now we're creating routines and feeding schedules and it's a little astounding. Absolutely, raising a child can be hard on a relationship but i think we get through it and our goal is always Caleb's security and happiness and so... we get through it! Since his new favorite activity is making bubbles and spitting noises, feeding him now is somewhat of a messy adventure. He had carrots from his forehead down his face and all around his mouth. Hilarious! He looked adorable. Of course i took pictures because i must document every tiny little thing he does. So he likes the carrots. We've also started giving him cereal in the morning. So here it is: Cereal in the morning, some water between bottles, his bottle, then my mother arrives and feeds him carrots between his next bottles, then we arrive before his 7pm bottle, give it to him, in bed by 8:30. Since his next bottle would be around midnight, we change him and put cereal in his bottle (i know, i know. I didn't want to put the cereal in his bottle either but we tried to feed him from a bowl and it was a disaster. The night cereal feeding is not so great for him. He screams and squirms, and arches his back and doesn't want it so we put it in the bottle), then he's back to sleep till about 5am. I must mention that the morning cereal is from a bowl cuz he's much happier then. At that point i feed him and try every which way i can to get him back to sleep for at least another hour. It's difficult but at some point he just gives up and falls asleep. I'm hoping that now that he's got a fuller belly he'll sleep through the night. We do enjoy that he goes to bed at 8:30 but if we don't wake him up between 11:30 and 12am to feed him he'll wake up on his own around midnight. So my wish for us is that he'll go to sleep at 8:30 and wake up at 4am or even 3am, That's doable. I can't wait till he goes to bed at 8:30 and doesn't wake up till 7am. Soon. Soon. Next week we try green peas. We'll see how that goes. I forgot to mention, the diapers are becoming quite interesting as well. I think Ernest might become the king of changing diapers in our house as Caleb starts to eat more solids-hehehe. Oh wait! So this morning Caleb and I were trying to stay in bed and he was laying next to me on his back and i turned away to stretch and when i turned back i came face to face with his beautiful little eyes and that gorgeous smile-he had rolled over on his stomach. Now that's the best way to wake up in the morning. Enjoy the pictures.

It's always a struggle

Everyone wish Caleb Carter a happy 5 month birthday. I can't believe how big he is. But on to today's post. Last night was the night. Finally saw Jay-Z (Sean Carter) in concert and it really was such an amazing experience. I had a blast. But being a mom never escapes your mind. I woke up yesterday morning feeling so excited and overwhelmed by guilt because i was going out. It's something i struggle with all the time, even when i'm just leaving him to go to store around the corner. I think it had to do with me going out and coming back late and Ernest working very late as well. Caleb stayed with my mother which of course he was in good hands but it made me sad to think that neither one of us would be able to put him to bed. So, the entire day i went back and forth about maybe giving my ticket away to a friend or just going. I finally said to myself that it was ok. He was perfectly safe and that i needed to do that for me. I thought about him the entire time. I obviously had an amazing time but he wasn't far from my thoughts. He's my little guy and even though he hadn't noticed i was gone or doesn't realize that it was his grandmother who put him to bed, it still is a difficult thing for me to do. I sometimes have to force myself to be a little selfish because it'll make me a good mother. I don't believe that stopping my life will help him in any way. I wouldn't want to create an unrealistic expectation for him that other people will stop everything for him. I do want him to know i love him and will be there for him but it'll be good for him to also know that mom and dad need to spend some time together as well as alone time. I'm rambling. This guilt will show up again, i'm sure but it's only a sign that i truly love him i hope that we're able to raise a healthy, well-mannered, compassionate, respectful, boy.

YAWWWWWNNNN!

So much happened this weekend. Caleb got 3 of 5 shots on Saturday and therefore has been cranky. It didn't help that by the time the doctor finally saw us it was smack in the middle of his nap time. All you mothers out there know exactly what it's like to have a sleepy baby on your hands. So he's screaming like a mad man and then he gets poked TWICE! UGH. I just wanted to hold him and make him better. He was such at trooper. Afterwards we got home and he fell asleep. Sunday Ernest, Caleb and I went for a walk. Just walked along the shopping strip for an hour or so just to get out of the house. It was so nice to be together but mr. Cranky pants was not happy and so we went back home where he continued to whine and cry and whine and cry. It's so upsetting to see him like that because i know he's not that kid. He's not a crier so i know that it's the shots. Thankfully no fever has yet come with any of those shots. Last night was rough. He fell asleep around 8pm and was up at about 10:30 just when Ernest and I were heading to bed ourselves. I believe he was having bad dreams because he kept waking up screaming. Once i fed him at midnight he went straight to sleep and was up at 3:30am. That's how i know it was the shots. He'd been falling asleep at 10:30 and waking up at 4 or 5am. So once he was up at 3:30 i just took him in bed with us. I know you shouldn't, and we don't do that but he was having such a hard time. Once i put him down he went straight to sleep till 7am that my alarm went off. Then he was perfectly happy. My little boy was somewhat back to normal today. Now today, today was another crazy day. My wonderful babysitter came down with food poisoning over the weekend and ended up in the ER last night. So no babysitter this morning meant i was dealing with Caleb today. This is usually a great thing since it means i get to spend unexpected extra time with him but today was a busy day. I had to be at his school at 9am to finalize paperwork for him to start so of course by the time the woman saw us it was, again, smack in the middle of his nap time. He cried the entire time i was filling out papers and also when i was meeting his teacher and getting some useful information from her. I might need to call her and talk to her again. So once that was done I brought him to work with me. I called a lovely young woman i know from my job and asked her if she was interested in hanging out with him while i was at work and she said YES! She was so excited cuz she hadn't met him yet. He, of course fell in love with her because she's lovable and they hung out and went for a walk and had a great time. Then Ernest came to get him. Exhausted? me too! MOre happened but i won't bore you anymore. Let's just say that Caleb was suppose to start school tomorrow? it's now moved to two weeks from today. Long story. Now i'm on my way home. I might fall asleep as i walk to Port Authority. Wish me luck.